November 3, 2007, SF ShEvil Dead vs. Oakland Outlaws

The Last Battle

The last bout of the regular season featured the undefeated Richmond Wrecking Belles against the newly replenished Oakland Outlaws. The 2007 season has been especially hard on the Outlaws, oh so different when the season started, when bets were that it would be the Outlaws that would go undefeated. The powerful jammer corp of Evil Red, Injure Rogers and Kitt Turbo were some of the Bay Area Derby Girls best jammers and it's best blockers too, Molly Mayhem, Lemmy Chokeya and Taxi Scab. The East Bay bandits looked for sure to steal the Championship. But the gang from Oakland were bought low by one injury after another and absents. First, all-stars Evil Red and Molly Mayhem, both who skated at Dust Devil, drifted away and with injuries to all-stars Injure Rogers and Taxi Scab, the Outlaws were barely able to field a team against the ShEvil Dead in May's Monster Mayhem, and were crushed 133 to 46. In June, the Outlaws got back veterans Taxi Scab and Injure Rogers from the injury list, but blockers Ghengis Blonde, Rye It Girl and Swoozie Hurtz were either injured or absent and the Wrecking Belles won handily 86-64. Woe to the Outlaws who went into the summer break 0-2.

The Richmond Wrecking Belles have definitely fared better, their season has been one of success. At the beginning of the season the new expansion team fielded a lot of rookies and a small number of veterans to show them how it's done. Perhaps the best captained and coached of the Bay Area Derby Girl Teams, the Belles have bought their largely rookie team to the top of the league. And many Richmond skaters who started the year as rookies are now on the B.A.D. Girl all-star team: Lusty Malice, Diane Rott, La Femme Nikilla and Demanda Riot; making the wrecking crew from Richmond a team of all-stars.

But Kitt Turbo, captain of Outlaws, never gives up because she knows there's aways a way to win. After the summer break, gaining the addition of just one blocker, Ivanna Decker, the Outlaws pulled off the steal of the season, a 66-47 upset win over the San Francisco ShEvil Dead in September. The Outlaws were flying high. And then, they crashed, or more appropriately Kitt Turbo crashed and broke her ankle. That, and the relocation of Injure Rogers to Seattle and the once feared Outlaw offense was completely destroyed. An offense that Bay Area fans never got to see go into action. O' the pity! What was left of an offense for Oakland; a fourth string jammer and a couple of pivots.

It is said that the cruelest thing you can give a doomed man is hope, and that's just what the Oakland Outlaws got. On schedule, the Bay Area Derby Girls graduated their Rinky Dinks, rollergirls in training, sixteen girls, the largest class ever for the girls by the bay, and they were drafted into their teams. The Outlaws took eight. For the first time since the beginning of the year pictures, the Outlaws had a full roster. Co-Captain Taxi Scab was gaiety; Kitt Turbo, megalomaniacal. Before she had a gang, now she has an army, and she's goin' to take over the world! Starting with the Richmond Wrecking Belles. For the cynical of you out there, Kitt broke her ankle after graduation.

November 3rd, Battle Over the Bay, the last season game. Two teams in ironically the exact reversed positions that they started the season in. The powerful Richmond Wrecking Belles, undefeated, the best jammers and blockers in the league. The Oakland Outlaws, full of rookies in their first bout and a handful of veterans. The Belles wear yellow tops and blue bottoms and they came out in their snake line for introductions and lined up in front of their bench on a knee to welcome their opponents. The introduction of the Outlaws was led by Kitt Turbo, on crutches, who half way down the track threw them away and begin to hop down track. The rest of the Outlaws struggled to keep up with her, “If I can hop faster than you can skate, you're not skating fast enough.” Oakland's uniform is a black pin-stripped minidress.

The first jam pitted Belles' rookie all-star, La Femme Nikilla, against emergency jammer, pivot Polly Pure Dread. The Richmond blockers are pivot Lusty Malice, Diane Rott, Diva Negativa and Demanda Riot, basically an all-star lineup, but strangely not the captain Liza Machete, who usually skates every jam she can, perhaps hubris. The Outlaws put the same old lineup they put up in every jam they can, pivot Lemmy Choke'Ya, Deadly Nightshade, Ivanna Decker and Taxi Scab. If they weren't veterans at the start of this season they sure were now. The jam started and Nikilla got to the turn 1 ahead of Polly, but Polly put on a burst of speed and got inside of Nikilla in turn 2, a bump by Polly put Nikilla out of bounds. Polly raced ahead, but Diva floored her in turn 3 and Nikilla roared by. Then Taxi went on a power charge chasing Nikilla though the pack like a super-sized pinball smashing Richmond blockers right, left, right, finally riding Nikilla out of bounds. Polly slipped though the hole that Taxi's charge created, only being stopped by Richmond's last blocker Diane Rott. A trip by Polly got her passed Rott, we'll assume that was unintentional, and Polly was lead jammer. By the time Nikilla had freed herself from Taxi, Polly had a half lap lead. The pack was organizing itself when Polly drove in, she used Taxi to get pass the Demanda, but Diva floored her again in turn 3. Polly got up quickly and a raced ahead of her blockers, but ran straight into Lusty and Rott. With Nikilla closing the gap, Polly got inside of Lusty on the turn and called the jam off before Nikilla could score. Oakland has started well, a 3-0 lead.

Richmond responded to this setback by bring in the big girls. Out went Rott and Diva and in came Nancy Drew Blood and captain of the Belles, 2006's most feared and dirtiest player, Liza Machete. Oakland's blocker lineup was unchanged except Taxi starts in the box a result of her charge. Oakland's jammer was Pandamonium. Everybody calls her “Panda”, because she just loves those little bears. Panda was now Oakland's most experienced jammer. This was probably the first time in Panda's young life that she was called “the most experienced” at anything, opposing her is Shelia E.R. another Richmond rookie. Shelia has worked hard this season and is another success story for the Richmond Wrecking Belles, as she has gotten better with every bout. Although slight of built and not fastest jammer she has the league best blockers in front of her and she has learned how to use them to her advantage. Shelia wins the race to the first turn and takes an inside path through the pack and becomes lead jammer. Panda runs into a wall of Richmond yellow, Machete, Nancy and Demanda, who helps Panda find the floor. Shelia circles quickly makes her scoring pass through the pack only fouling once and picking up four points. Panda is making no progress against the Richmond blockers who don't have to deal with Taxi. Shelia starts off to make her second pass through the pack, she passes Panda, who speeds up and tries and put a block on Shelia but falls large and takes her out. Shelia calls off the jam from her knees. Five points for the Belles, zero for Oakland. The Belles are back in charge.

In the third jam, Oakland subs in Polly and Whiskey Go Go for Nightshade and Decker, Richmond subs Rott for Lusty. Oakland sends out their best hope, newly graduated jammer Lil' Sam Awry, against her stands the league's super jammer Richmond's Racey Lane. Racey is 2006's MVP and has been carrying the load for Richmond all season, she has an overwhelming plus/minus against the leagues jammers of +122, the rest of the Richmond jammers combined have a plus/minus of -18. Basically, if you skate with Racey you win, you skate against Racey you lose. Both jammers took off at the second whistle apparently evenly matched in speed, but Racey steps in front in turn 1 and flies down the straight away with Lil' Sam close behind. In the fast moving pack Racey moves to the outside, but Lil' Sam stays inside and with the help of a forearm comes out of the pack first. Racey puts on a burst of speed and passes Oakland pivot Lemmy ChokeYa' from out of bounds to get out of the pack; ladies and gentlemen we have our first two minute jam. Racey catches and passes Lil' Sam in turn 3 and opens up a lead that increases with every turn. Racey begins to pick her through the pack, but Oakland is able to slow her down as every Oakland blocker gets a hit on her as she passes them. When Taxi elbows Racey out of bounds the Oakland's blockers are able to get back in front of her. It all came together in turn 1 or should I say everybody collided in turn 1, Racey gets knocked inside and before she can react she's coming out in turn 2, the refs whistle her for cutting the track and passing multiple blockers. That left Lil' Sam as the lone jammer and she came up on the pack fast for Oakland had slowed the pack to a crawl. But Richmond showed it mettle, being a blocker down as Nancy was eariler sent to the box. Lil' Sam was simply not able to make it around Demanda, each time she tried Demanda polished the floor with her. By the third time Lil' Sam was picking herself up off the floor time had mercifully run out. But she does not to go unrewarded, Oakland ties the score 9-9.

Richmond makes a line change; Lusty, Roxie the Riveter, in her first jam of the game, Diva, and captain Liza Machete, as always. Oakland subs Decker for Whiskey, and Taxi is the bin for the sins of the previous jam. Panda will start the jam alone as Racey is still in the box. Early in the jam Polly picks up her fourth minor and now it's four Richmond blockers to Oakland's two. Roxie knocks down Panda twice as Racey is released from the penalty and quickly gets lead jammer. She zooms through the pack for the grand slam and as she continues for another pass, Panda gets frustrated and commits her fourth minor as Taxi and Polly reenter the jam. But Racey's second scoring pass she is not as successful as the first and only picks up two points before time runs out. It's a 7-0 score for Racey; which is just about normal for her.

Richmond has the momentum now and for the rest of the jams of first half they allow the Outlaws to score in only two other jams. Lil' Sam Awry takes three in a jam with Shelia E.R. who started in the box and Sam again stealing two points in a jam with Racey , but with Machete and Demanda sitting in the penalty. Richmond has slowly built their lead with superior jamming and blocking to 19 points by the end of the half, it's 33 to 14. It looks bleak for Oakland fans.

For half time entertainment the San Jose crowd was treated the antics of San Francisco's dance troop the Devil-Ettes a mix of sixties rock and Go-Go dances. As bad as situation is for the Outlaws it could have been a lot worse, Oakland will have to depend on their defense: to limited the damage from Racey, shut down the other jammers, stay out of the penalty box and have a little luck for the second half. For Richmond it's easy, another first half, please. The Bay Area Derby Girls are a durable bunch. Oakland blockers Taxi Scab and Lemmy ChokeYa skated every jam but one and Ivanna Decker and Richmond captain Liza Machete skated every jam but two, Demanda Riot and Lusty Malice skated 11 of the 14 jams. It's time for the second half to begin and everybody is ready to do it again, if not more.

The second half starts with Oakland's Decker and Richmond's jammer Shelia in the box. Lusty, Rott, Demanda and Machete are blocking for the Belles. Lemmy, Nightshade, and Taxi blocking with Polly jamming for the Outlaws. Polly makes a very straight forward outside run around the pack with Oakland blockers sealing the Richmond blockers on the inside. When pivot Lusty misses her block, Polly is lead jammer. On her scoring pass Polly got a little lucky and was to slice through the pack, but not before Decker and Shelia were released from the box, still four valuable points though. Shelia gets hit from every Outlaw until Nightshade finally nails her, but Polly just can't get around Demanda as time runs out on the jam, it's an 8-0 jam for Oakland.

In the next jam Richmond subs Roxie for Demanda and Rott goes the penalty box. Panda is the only change for Oakland and Racey for Richmond. The pack speed increases for Racey, who has trouble getting through the pack as Richmond is a blocker short, Taxi holds her up for awhile but Racey eludes her, only to get stuck behind Nightshade and Lemmy, who put her out of bounds. Meanwhile Taxi puts a block on Machete and Panda slips by and charges for her blockers, Decker and Nightshade, who let her pass and Panda is lead jammer. Panda beats Racey to lead jammer, this has never happenend before! Then Racey gets her fourth minor and is sent to the box, Panda is alone. Rott charges into the pack from the penalty and immediately starts harassing Panda. It's a long jam for Panda, for every Richmond blocker she passes another passes her and just as she tries to exit the pack, Machete knocks her out of bounds, but the jam is still 4-0 Oakland.

Richmond's lead was down to seven points and their super jammer was in the penalty, they rotated their lineup again, Nancy, Demanda, Diva and of course Machete. Oakland's only change has Lemmy in the box and calls Lil' Sam Awry to the jammer line, who hasn't done that badly against Racey, things looking up for the Outlaws. But it proves to be an illusion, as Lil' Sam runs into in wall yellow and Demanda puts Lil' Sam on the floor as Racey roars out the penalty box to take lead jammer on an inside path. She scoots around the track and takes another inside path and collects three points, she continues around the track for another scoring pass. A feint and a cut and this time it's a grand slam but she doesn't stop, she wants more. Lemmy comes in from the penalty and now there's a wall of black that Racey can't get around, so she calls it off but not before collecting another two points. A 10-0 jam for Racey and the Outlaws hopes are dealt a big setback.

In the next three jams Richmond puts even more distance between them and Oakland as Nikilla, Shelia and Racey add 8 points to Oakland's 1 point, and the score is 51 to 27. And it's at this point that Oakland's luck turns. Lil' Sam Awry has a successful jam against Nilkilla as Oakland's blockers seal Richmond to the inside again. The next jam proves to be a perfect penalty storm for Richmond as first Demanda, then Machete, then Diva and finally Shelia all take their turn in the penalty box. Polly picks up six points. With Shelia and Diva in the box for Richmond and Decker for Oakland, Panda comes to the line for Oakland, who hasn't changed their lineup from the previous jam of Lemmy, Nightshade and Taxi. Richmond doesn't change their lineup either, it's three versus three blockers. The pack is fast, as Panda enters the rear of the pack but Machete eludes Taxi and takes out Panda with a shoulder-leg sweep combo in turn 2. Machete is called for the major, but continue to skate as the penalty box is already full. Machete joins Lusty and Demanda to form a wall of yellow in front of the Oakland blockers. But walls are made to be knocked down. And Lemmy ChokeYa' skates up to the outside of Machete and blindsides her, the whole Richmond wall goes down in a chain reaction, Panda skates by to become lead jammer, Oakland's on a roll. As Shelia and Diva come out of the penalty box, Lusty and Machete go in. Without their captain or their pivot the Richmond blockers are a little disorganized, Lemmy takes out Shelia on the back straight away, but Shelia's tough and one take out doesn't slow her down. She gets up and whizzes around the track trying to pass blockers on the outside. In turn 1 Nightshade makes a classic jammer take out of her. Girl, you can not pass these Oakland blockers without blocker support, you're just target practice. In the confusion Panda easily gets through the pack for a grand slam, but time runs out just before she can start a second pass.

It's a nine point game now. The fifteen point Oakland comeback has happened during jams that Racey Lane has not jammed. As Racey toes the line, Richmond is still short Lusty and Machete, but they'll be back soon. Nancy Drew Blood and Demanda Riot are the Richmond blockers. Oakland has the same lineup as before except Lemmy is getting a well-deserved rest in the penalty box and Lil' Sam Awry is the jammer. Oakland needs to dodge a bullet. When the second whistle blows it's Lil' Sam that wins the race to turn 1. The pack is fast as always when Racey jams and the two jammers race down the straight and into turn 3, in turn 4 they catch the pack. Lil' Sam cuts inside where Demanda makes sure she steps out of bounds to get around her. Racey breaks to the outside heads up the straight. In turn 2 Taxi is waiting for Racey and escorts her out of bounds. Taxi and Nightshade keep Racey out of bounds or behind them for a full lap before Racey finally slips by and catches up to Lil' Sam, it's another two minute jam. Meanwhile Lusty enters the pack and a lap later Machete is in too, the Belles are at full strength. Lil' Sam delays Racey until Lemmy ChokeYa' can rejoined the pack, now the Outlaws are at full strength as well. The battle really heats up now as Machete decks Decker so hard she almost ends up standing on her head. As Lil' Sam heads to the inside, Racey breaks for the outside. Lemmy and Nightshade team up to put Racey on the floor as Demanda and Lusty play pong with Lil' Sam while Machete and Taxi battle for the lead of the pack. The result is a draw, nobody gains. As the pack pulls itself together Racey commits her fourth minor and is sent to the box. Richmond forms a wall and Lil' Sam is going nowhere as time runs out. The score of this little jam, 3-2 Oakland. Oakland has dodged their bullet.

This is it. It's 53-45 Richmond, there's ten minutes left in the game, just enough time for Oakland to pull it out the greatest upset since the 2006 Championship, except this would be greater. With Racey in the penalty box, Richmond subs Roxie for Demanda. Oakland subs rookie Lucky Roller for Nightshade and jams with Polly, but Taxi is in the penalty box. The jam starts off promisingly enough with Polly getting around Nancy and Roxie, but Machete forces Polly to cut the track to get around her and that sends Polly to the sin bin. The jam is called off and the jammers and pivots exchange helmet covers. Oakland has no more time they must win this jam. This pivotally important jam will be jammed by the pivots. The Richmond lineup is Roxie, Nancy, Machete and Lusty jams with Racey in the box. For Oakland, it's Decker and Lucky with Taxi and Polly in the box and Lemmy jamming. Oakland needs a long shot to pay off. When the whistle blows it doesn't look good for the Outlaws. Lusty is faster than Lemmy, Richmond just has too much experience on the track as Machete floors Lucky and Nancy just makes it impossible for Lemmy to get around her. While Lusty cuts the track to get around Decker, Taxi and Racey enter pack from the penalty box. Richmond now has a wall in front in Lemmy and Lusty has a half a lap lead. As Taxi tries to get into position to break up the wall, Machete puts Lemmy on the floor. Polly enters the pack and Oakland organizes a defense to stop Lusty, Oakland has shifted to damage control. Lusty gets pass all of Oakland's blockers except Taxi when Polly takes out Lusty. Lemmy and Decker get tangled up and go down trying to be get around Machete. The time runs out on the jam and so does Oakland's luck. Lusty scores 3-0 putting Richmond up by eleven with less than four minutes left.

Oakland knows it's over. Richmond goes for the slam-dunk, Nancy, Rott, Demanda and Machete with Nikilla jamming. Oakland's out of gas physically and morally, as Nightshade, Decker, Taxi and Jennacologist, who gets her first jam, Panda is jamming. Richmond does it's normal job of shutting down of Panda and Nikilla gets around Decker and Nightshade to get lead jammer. It's clear that Oakland no longer has a heart for this fight as Nikilla collects the grand slam and a point as time runs out. It's the last jam and Kitt Turbo puts in all the rookies in that had not skated yet, Jennacologist, Sinnocent, Flash Morganne, and Brick Shields for the experience of a real game jam. And what an experience they were going to get, Racey Lane is jamming unopposed as Panda sits in the penalty box. Liza Machete and Nancy Drew Blood sit down as Lusty and Cutthroat Cathy, who gets her first jam, line up. It's a display of showboat jamming as Racey flies by the rookies three times for the double grand slam. The bench calls to the rookies to block her, but this is too much for the rookies. “Block her? I can't even see her. How do you block a blur?” Oakland's veterans suck down water and shake their heads, “Kids, these days”. Racey bows to the cheering audience, she then calls off the jam and the game is over.

The score, 72 to 45, doesn't show what a hard fought match this was, or how close Oakland came to making a huge upset, but that's often the way things go. The Outlaws can be proud of their efforts and can look forward to next season, because you never know how things will turn out. Richmond will go on the Championship bout in December against the San Francisco ShEvil Dead. The Belles will be heavily favored. But so were ShEvil Dead in the 2006 Championship and the Oakland Outlaws pulled off the greatest comeback in league history. So you might just want the see what happens this year.